May Angels Lead You In
by VoicesOffCamera
Summary: It's not fair. Ponyboy's life has never been very fair. He had seen more than his fair share of suffering and death in his sixteen years of life, mostly just in the past two years. How can he handle it when his family is hit once again by a horrible tragedy? How will they make it through when not even Darry can hold himself together? What had they ever done to deserve this?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Okay, a couple key points to note before you read this story. Please take heed.**

**Firstly: This story is meant to make you cry. Seriously, this is a very, very sad story. I even made myself cry while writing it. So don't look for the happy ending, cause this story isn't really going to have one. I was just in one of those moods where I wanted to write something very angsty, and it doesn't get any more depressing than this idea that I came up with. **

**Secondly: This was originally going to be a One-Shot, but I feel like it's just a little too long for that. I like things neat and tidy and I don't like the idea of just plopping a whole bunch of text into one huge chapter. So this will be a short novella. Right now I am thinking it will only be three chapters long. So those of you who read and follow either of my other two Outsider stories, take comfort in knowing that this won't take away from either of those two since this story will be finished early next week. Also you can expect both of my other stories to be updated early next week as well, just an fyi. **

**Anyway, I hope you will give this story a shot! I've working very hard on this since the idea hit me earlier this week. Please review! **

**XxXxX**

_Chapter One_

It was Sunday afternoon and Ponyboy Curtis was sitting at his desk in his bedroom. His room wasn't particularly big, it was actually fairly small especially for two teenaged boys, but for the past eight months it had felt uncomfortably large and horribly empty. Darry had sent him to his room an hour ago to work on his homework. He found himself mostly just staring blankly out the window though, unable to concentrate. Eventually he pushed his math textbook aside and pulled a stack of letters out of his desk drawer.

It had been eight months since Sodapop had been drafted to fight in the Vietnam War. It had been a horrible shock for all of them. As Soda and Steve had each turned eighteen they had joined Two-Bit in his worry of getting the mail every day, though they all did their best to ignore the escalating war across the ocean. Soda, who was, unfairly enough, the youngest of the draft eligible Greasers, had only been eighteen for about three months when he got his notice. Watching him cut his own hair off – he had refused to give the military the satisfaction of doing it for him – pack a very small bag and climb aboard a bus at 4:30 in the morning had been one of the hardest things for what was left of the Greasers to do.

Pony had admired the way that Soda had put on a brave face for them. In the days leading up to Soda's departure he had become very much like Darry in a way. Stoic. But Pony knew him well enough to know that he was covering up how he was really feeling. He was afraid but he didn't want anyone to know it, not even his brothers. But Pony could see it clearly as he would watch Soda toss and turn at night.

Pony rifled through the stack of letters he had received over the past eight months. There weren't very many of them. Pony knew that Soda didn't have a whole lot of time to write while he was fighting some war on the other side of the globe. And even when he did manage to write the letters were very short. His brother had never been very good at writing anyway and Pony knew that him putting any effort at all into it showed how desperately he wanted contact with his brothers.

_Pony- _

_Got 3 of your letters today. Im glad skool is good. I sure miss you guys. I hop Darrys not workin to hard. Only a few more months till I can come home. I had a dream about cocolat cake the other nite. Food here suks. Tell Two-Bit an Steve I say hi. _

_love you. miss you._

_Soda_

That was the most recent letter that Pony had received from his brother, almost two weeks ago. It was a lot like all of the other letters. Soda never wrote anything too specific about what was going on and Pony could certainly understand why. Pony also knew that even just those seven short sentences had taken a lot of effort from his brother. He knew that his brother was smarter than a lot of people gave him credit for, he just tended to work slower than most of the students in his classes throughout school. He might not be the world's best speller, but if he had time to read over what he had written a couple of times Pony knew that he could catch a lot of his own mistakes. Of course Pony knew there was probably no time for proofreading over in the jungles of Vietnam. But it didn't matter how short the letters were or that at times they were a bit illegible. Pony was always grateful for any contact with his brother.

Pony pulled out a fresh piece of notebook paper from another one of his desk drawers. There was no way that he was going to be able to focus on his homework now, he was too distracted by thoughts of his brother fighting for his life on the other side of the world. He would get to his homework later. Right now he just needed to talk to Soda.

Writing had always come pretty naturally to Pony, just like talking to Soda always had. With these two activities combined Pony felt like he could write for days at a time. Darry had to constantly remind Pony that Soda didn't have time to read pages and pages of letters every day. Pony did his best to keep the letters as simple as possible, but in what seemed like no time at all he had filled the front of the page of the notebook paper and was debating continuing on the back.

The house was quiet at the moment. The TV was rarely on anymore because none of them could stand to watch any of the news coverage of the war and that's all that seemed to be on anymore. Darry had also switched the radio off earlier, saying that he had a headache. He had been having a lot of headaches lately. Pony suspected that it had to do with stress. Darry hated feeling helpless. He had done everything he possibly could to protect his little brothers for the past two years and Pony knew it was really hard on him to have one of those brothers taken away from him and thrown into a situation where he couldn't protect him anymore.

Because the house was so quiet Pony heard the knock on the front door. His pencil was still posed over his letter to Soda as he straightened up, cocking his head toward the front of the house. His mind immediately went blank as he tried not to jump to any conclusions about who might be knocking on their door. He didn't need his wild imagination getting him all worked up over something as simple as a door-to-door salesman or something of the like.

After a moment of being completely still Pony very suddenly pushed himself away from his desk and practically ran to the living room. He wasn't really sure why or how but somehow he just knew that he had to see who was at the door. He couldn't sit and wonder he had to know right now. Later in life when Pony would look back on that moment he could realize that deep down he had known what was about to happen, even if he hadn't been ready to admit it to himself.

The scene that met him as he rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks would haunt him for a very long time.

Darry was standing with the front door open, his posture stiff and his face tense and expressionless, a familiar mask he would dawn when he didn't want someone to know what he was feeling. From his angle Pony could just make out the man in a military uniform standing on their front porch. Pony's knees felt weak and he grabbed the edge of the doorway to the living room for support. This couldn't be happening. It couldn't be true.

"I'm so sorry," Pony could hear the army officer say seriously, a hint of depression in his voice. "I can tell you that it was quick and he didn't suffer."

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no._

It was a constant drone of denial in his head. His mind couldn't even understand what was really happening even though in his heart he knew exactly what those words meant. He watched through a haze as the man in the doorway handed something very small to Darry. He was aware of Darry saying something but by then Pony was way beyond able to comprehend any of the words that were being said. It felt like a very large, gaping hole was opening up in the middle of his chest and he hunched over in a futile attempt to keep himself from falling apart.

Pony was staring straight down at the floor when he heard the door close. There was a long silence where the minutes seemed to take hours to pass. Pony felt short of breath and he clutched tighter to the door frame just to remain standing.

"Pony?" Darry's voice shook ever so slightly, betraying his own devastation and any semblance of control Pony might have had crumbled in that moment. He collapsed to the floor, desperately gasping for air as his whole body shook, in too much shock to even produce tears at that point. He sat on his knees and hunched over himself as he put his hands on his head as if he could make himself small enough to hide from this horrible tragedy. A minute later he felt a gentle hand on his back. Darry was crouching next to him. He practically lunged at Darry, burying himself in his big brother's t-shirt. The only big brother he had left.

"Please no," Pony whimpered brokenly. Darry securely wrapped his arms around Pony and squeezed him closer. Pony's body finally caught up with him and tears began streaking down his face as he broke down into uncontrollable sobs. "Please no, S-Soda. Not S-Sod-da."

Darry was silent as he gently rubbed Pony's back. Darry's silence betrayed how devastated he really was at this moment. He offered up no comfort, because there was no comfort to give.

Pony had no idea how much time had passed as the two of them sat on the floor of the living room. Every time he seemed to start to calm down and was able to think clearly the fact would hit him again – his brother was gone, Sodapop Curtis was gone forever – and he would break down all over again. Eventually, though, it seemed that he simply ran out of tears.

Darry patiently sat with Pony the entire time, holding him close in an attempt to provide some sort of support. Pony spared a glance up at his brother. Darry was leaning his head back against the wall behind him, his eyes unfocused as he stared straight ahead, deep in thought. But as Pony studied him closely he could see that his icy eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

"Darry?" Pony said quietly, his voice small but it echoed out clearly in the silent house. Darry looked down at him in surprise, almost as if he had forgotten that he was there. There were a few moments of silence as Pony didn't quite know what to say. There wasn't anything either of them could say to make this better, to make this okay. "Love you, Darry," Pony finally said. _At least the deaths stopped coming in two's_, he thought bitterly to himself, thinking of both his parents and then of Johnny and Dally. _At least I still have Darry left_.

Darry gave him a squeeze. "Love you too, kiddo," he said, his voice shaking slightly, his self-control obviously only hanging on by a thread.

"It… it's just not fair," Pony said, dropping his gaze as tears began forming in his eyes once more. "He… he didn't even wanna go." He heard Darry take in a shaky breath and when he looked back up he could clearly see Darry's walls crumbling as several tears escaped and streaked down his cheeks.

"I know," Darry said in a low voice. He shook his head as the tears began to fall more rapidly. As he watched his brother break down Pony felt himself crumbling once more into the pit of devastation that threatened to swallow him whole. The horrific magnitude of the situation was suddenly crushing him even more as he realized that not even Superman could handle this.

He noticed that Darry was looking down at something and he twisted around to see what it was. Darry's hand was open and resting in his palm was a set of silver dog tags. Pony could barely read 'Curtis, Sodapop P.' stamped into the metal before his vision was completely obscured by tears. As he turned back into Darry's chest he could feel Darry's own sobs wracking through him. Even Darry had a breaking point.

Pony was quickly realizing that the death of someone that you love was never something that you could get used to. Two years ago he had lost both his parents. Eight months later he had lost two members of the gang, one of which had been his best friend. Now this. It never got any easier to deal with. If anything it just got worse.

Soda had been everything to Pony. There were no words for how much that Pony loved his brother. He honestly didn't know what he was going to do without him. How could he possibly cope with this? More importantly, why did he have to cope with this at all? Why was his life so full of loss? Why did so many people that he loved have to die? If this kept up eventually he would lose everyone and he would be left completely alone.

What had any of them ever done to deserve this?


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Just to avoid confusion, this chapter is the same scene from the last chapter but from Darry's point of view. **

**Please review! :)**

_Chapter Two_

Darry sat quietly in the living room, leafing through the paper. He avoided any articles about the war, reading any details about what a dangerous place his little brother was in just made him feel sick.

He was startled from an article about last night's big football game by a knock at the door. No one ever knocked on their door except for maybe social services but they weren't due to check up on them for another few months. After all this time they had begun checking up on them less and less. There was only one other reason he could think of for someone to knock on their door. That wasn't something he even wanted to consider though.

Darry set his newspaper aside and went to see who it was before he could wonder too much. As he opened the door his stomach dropped to somewhere around his feet. For half a second he thought he might pass out as his heart seemed to stop in its tracks and he had to remind himself to breath. He forced his face to remain blank as he stared down the man on the doorstep. There was no question as to why there would be a guy dressed head to foot in a military uniform knocking on their door on a Sunday afternoon. This was it. This was the news they had feared for these past eight months. From this moment on nothing would ever be the same. Darry knew all this without a doubt in that instant.

"Darrel Curtis?" the man said. Darry simply nodded, not trusting his own voice. "My name is Sergeant John Davin of the U.S. Army. I am very sorry to call on you like this and there is no easy way to say this. Sodapop Curtis was killed in action in Vietnam earlier this week." Darry had no reaction. He had known this was coming. He noticed the Sergeant's eyes flash over his shoulder like he had seen something behind him, but Darry didn't have the willpower at that moment to turn his head to look. "I'm so sorry," he went on. "I can tell you that it was quick and he didn't suffer."

Darry nodded again, his face grim. He supposed that was vaguely comforting, though it didn't really ease the feeling that the whole world was falling out from under him. The Sergeant held out his hand and after a moment of staring Darry realized that he was trying to hand him something. Darry mechanically reached out his own hand and the man gently placed a set of dog tags in his open palm. Darry closed his fist around them without reading them. He knew if he read the name on those dog tags he would lose it.

"Thank you," Darry finally managed, fighting to keep his voice as steady as possible. He refused to go to pieces in front of this stranger. "I appreciate you comin' down here like this." He wasn't quite sure that he actually did appreciate it, but it seemed like what he should say anyway.

"It's not a problem, sir," the man said seriously. "It's no less than those brave soldiers fighting over there deserve. Sodapop's service to his country was very much appreciated."

_The brave soldiers you force to go over there,_ Darry thought bitterly. But he didn't voice his opinion. He knew that this was a new thing that the military did. It used to be if a loved one died during war the family would simple get an impersonal letter. At least this way it seemed like his brother's death warranted a little more effort from the U.S. Army then to just send out a form letter. No point in abusing the messenger anyway.

Sergeant Davin gave some sort of farewell, but Darry didn't really hear it. As the bearer of bad news walked away Darry slowly closed the door. As he turned he gave a start. He spotted Ponyboy hanging on to the doorframe between the hallway and the living room, almost doubled over as if he were in severe pain. After looking at him for a moment Darry felt a vague sense of relief. At least he wouldn't have to be the one to break the news to his youngest brother. It was painfully obvious he had heard the whole thing.

Darry just stood frozen for a moment, unsure what to do. There was nothing he could say to Pony to make him feel any better. He had been completely powerless to protect Soda while he had been in Vietnam, and now he was powerless to protect Pony from the pain of losing his brother.

"Pony," Darry finally said, forcing his voice out of his throat.

A moment later he watched Pony collapse to his knees on the floor, letting out a choked sob although there were no tears falling. Not yet anyway. Darry knew he had to be strong for Ponyboy. No matter what he was feeling right now, he still have one little brother left to take care of.

With Soda's dog tags still clutched tightly in his fist, Darry forced himself to walk forward and crouch down next to Pony, who seemed to be struggling just to breath. Darry didn't have the heart to tell him to calm down, that everything was going to be okay. Instead he simply placed a gentle hand on Pony's back just to let him know that he was there beside him. Immediately Pony lunged at him, almost knocking him over as the tears finally began to fall and he buried himself in Darry's t-shirt.

"Please no," Pony whimpered brokenly. Darry securely wrapped his arms around Pony and squeezed him closer, both for his brother's sake as well as his own. He needed Pony just as much as Pony needed him in that moment. "Please no, S-Soda. Not S-Sod-da."

Darry's heart broke as he listened to Pony's begging and he almost lost it right then. He took a deep breath in an attempt to steady himself as he settled himself into a more comfortable sitting position on the floor, gently pulling Pony with him as he leaned up against the wall behind him. He listened to his brother's broken sobs for at least an hour, though time seemed to be moving particularly slowly so it could have been longer. He couldn't help but think back to the last real conversation he had before Soda had shipped out.

_Dinner was ready and Soda was nowhere to be found. This was odd for his brother, but Darry could certainly understand why his appetite might be off. Tomorrow morning he would be shipped off to boot camp and after that he would be sent to Vietnam to fight in a war he hardly knew anything about. That was enough to put anyone off their appetite. _

_Darry left Pony at the kitchen table as he went to look for Soda. He didn't like him skipping any meals. Also it would be their last meal as a family for at least a year. Darry hoped that he could at least convince Soda to come to the table with them and pretend to eat. _

_Quietly he pushed open the door to Pony and Soda's bedroom and found Soda sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at a framed picture in his hand, a small duffle bag open beside him. It was odd seeing him with his short hair; he had cut it himself this morning to avoid the humiliation of the army doing it for him. _

"_Hey, Pepsi-Cola," Darry said gently. Soda didn't look up as Darry walked into the room. "It's time for dinner."_

"_Last meal…" Soda said dully, still staring down at the picture in his hands. _

_Darry sighed as he sat down on the bed next to his brother. He looked down at the picture that Soda was holding. It was an old family photo. Pony looked about six in the picture which would make Soda around eight and Darry himself around twelve. Pony had jumped onto Soda's back and they were both laughing. Darry was looking down at the two of them and was smiling lightly as he rolled his eyes. Both of their parents stood behind the three of them, grinning down at their three children. It was a very true portrait of their family. _

"_Takin' that with you?" Darry asked._

"_I dunno," Soda said flatly. "It's a little bulky, might not be easy to carry around. I might not have room for it either."_

_Darry reached over and carefully took the picture out of Soda's hands. He turned the frame over and opened up the back compartment as Soda watched him. He took the photograph out and then folded it in half. _

"_You could tuck it into your boot or inside your helmet," Darry said as he slipped it into a side pocket of the duffle bag. "There's always room for this kind of thing."_

"_What if it gets ruined?" Soda asked. _

_Darry shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he said. "Just remember, your family is always with you." Soda nodded slightly. He had looked so lost in that moment. Darry put an arm around him and squeezed him. "It's gonna be okay, you know that right?"_

_Soda looked over at him, his fear betrayed in his eyes for the first time since he received his letter. "What if it's not?" he asked quietly. _

"_Listen, Soda," Darry said steadily. "You can get through this, I know you can. Just keep your head down and listen and follow orders. Just worry about keepin' yourself safe and you'll be okay, alright little buddy?"_

_Soda nodded. He took a deep breath and then leaned his head into Darry for comfort. "Thanks, Darry," he said. _

He had lied to his little brother that day. He had no way of knowing that it was going to be okay. But he had to have hope or else he would have gone crazy. He knew that if Soda had believed that he was doomed from the beginning he never would have had a chance.

"Darry?"

Darry was startled out of his thoughts by Pony's small voice. He looked down at his youngest brother. His eyes were bloodshot and his cheeks stained with tears, but it seemed that he had stopped crying for the moment. He looked up at him curiously and Darry wondered what he was thinking. Should he say something to him? Try to comfort him somehow? Soda was always so much better at this kind of thing than he was, he realized with a sinking feeling.

"Love you, Darry," Pony said.

Darry squeezed his brother closer to him. "Love you too, kiddo," he said, hating the way his voice shook. He had to be strong for Pony. He had to.

"It… it's just not fair," Pony said, dropping his gaze as tears began forming in his eyes once more. "He… he didn't even wanna go."

Darry took in a shaky breath. He knew that all too well. He had comforted Soda the night before he left, tried to tell him that everything would be okay. Now he was gone forever. Now they would never see him again. His strength was failing as he was helpless to stop these thoughts from overwhelming him. He felt a few tears escape down his cheeks and he knew that he didn't have a chance of keeping this unbelievable grief at bay.

"I know," Darry said in a low voice. He shook his head as the tears began to fall more rapidly, giving up on any hope of holding himself together. As Pony began to sob again, Darry easily joined him, letting them dam break and feeling the weight of the situation crush him as he held his little brother close to him.

Why did they have to keep losing people that they loved?


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Okay here is the final chapter. This kinda went on a lot longer than I meant it to, it kinda just kept going and going haha. I hope you don't find the ending too abrupt. This story by nature just doesn't have a resolution so I struggled a bit with how to finish it.**

**Now here's the thing… technically this is where this stories ends. However, due to a request from one of my favorite reviewers and a little inspiration on my part I am not going to mark this story as complete just yet. I think that in the next week or so I'm going to write an alternate ending to this story that I will post as a fourth chapter if anyone is interested. So keep an eye out for that. **

**Also one more note, there is a line that I stole from a movie that I will credit at the end so as not to give anything away here. **

**Please review!**

Chapter Three

_And if you were with me tonight,  
I'd sing to you just one more time.  
A song for a heart so big,  
God wouldn't let it live._

_- Jimmy Eat World (May Angels Lead You In)_

It was later that night and Pony sat alone in his room. If possible it felt even larger and emptier than before. Neither him nor Darry had bothered with dinner, neither of them had been hungry. It seemed an accomplishment that they had just managed to eventually drag themselves off the floor of the living room.

A few hours after they had received the news Steve and Two-Bit had shown up. The night had gotten even worse then. Through his own grief Pony never even thought about what it would be like to break the news to Two-Bit or Steve. Especially Steve.

"_Hey Curtises!" Two-Bit had shouted as he entered the house with Steve in tow. Steve had gotten a lot quieter since Soda had left. _

_Two-Bit's happy-go-lucky grin hadn't lasted long as he took in the looks on both Pony and Darry's faces. Pony looked over at Darry and could see that his eyes had a deadened look in them, though the obvious signs of crying had been wiped away. Pony imagined he himself looked worse as he had cried several more times in the past few hours. _

_Darry leaned forward in his recliner and Pony sat up a bit on the couch, turning away from the TV that hadn't even been on. His stomach was sinking. He knew that Two-Bit would take this news hard, but he was especially afraid of Steve's reaction. Steve didn't have any siblings of his own and he didn't get along with his parents. Even though he had the whole gang just like the rest of them did, Soda was the one who really held him together. How could they tell him that he was gone?_

"_What happened?" Two-Bit asked, his voice immediately serious._

_Darry sighed heavily, and then silently indicated the coffee table in front of them. They had carefully placed Soda's dog tags there, unsure what to really do with them yet. Two-Bit walked up and carefully picked them up, reading them with a grim look on his face, knowing what it meant. Steve slowly came up behind him, his expression guarded. _

"_Soda's dog tags?" Steve said slowly. It was obvious that he didn't want to believe what this meant as he sent a questioning look at Darry. He wouldn't go there on his own free will; he would need it spelled out for him._

"_He's gone, Steve," Darry said, his voice hitching slightly. It was the first time either him or Pony had admitted it out loud. Pony could feel fresh tears welling up in his eyes. He was kind of surprised that he had any tears left at all. Two-Bit slowly replaced the tags on the table, taking extra care as if afraid of breaking them. "They came by this afternoon to tell us. He's gone."_

_Steve was backing up toward the door and with a warning glance from Darry, Two-Bit moved to block the exit. They all knew that if Steve ran off right now he could end up just like Dally. _

"_No," Steve said, shaking his head and glancing around like a trapped animal. "No… he-he can't be…"_

"_Steve…" Darry said slowly, pain on his face as he watched the realization that this was really happening wash over Soda's best friend's face. Steve turned and made to run for the door, but Two-Bit stopped him, grabbing him by the shoulders. Steve struggled against him, trying to push him away but Two-Bit had a very determined look in his eyes. _

"_Let go!" Steve demanded. _

_Darry stood up and walked over to them, but Pony felt frozen in his spot, unable to move. _

"_You can't leave," Darry said._

"_Like hell I can't!" Steve shouted, his eyes flashing dangerously. "You ain't the boss of me, Darry." _

"_Steve, please," Darry pleaded tiredly. He placed a hand on Steve's shoulder. "We're all hurtin' right now. None of us are dealing well with this. But Soda wouldn't want you runnin' off and doing anything rash, you know that."_

"_What the _hell_ do you care?" Steve spat fiercely as he fought even harder against Two-Bit's hold. After a moment he managed to get lose, roughly shoving Two-Bit away, but Darry tightened his grip on his shoulder, keeping him in place at least for the moment. "What the hell do you care what I do?"_

"_I care a lot!" Darry said firmly. Steve froze and looked up at him. "We are still family, Steve. Soda being gone doesn't change that. I'm not gonna let you run off and do anything drastic because I _care_ about you and I don't want anything to happen to you."_

_Pony watched Steve's face carefully as the anger slowly melted away. His shoulders dropped and his posture took on a defeated look. He was shaking his head, grasping desperately at denial, but the facts were too clear. Finally there were the shining signs of tears in Steve's eyes. Pony had never seen Steve cry. Ever. Not even when he was little. He let out a choked sob and Darry pulled him into a hug just like he would for one of his own little brothers, wrapping his arms around him protectively. Steve's arms were limp at his sides but he buried his face into Darry's t-shirt much like Pony had hours before. And the dam broke. Steve wasn't just crying, he was sobbing just as much as Pony had. Soda had meant the world to him as well. Pony could see that so clearly in that moment._

"_Hey kid." Pony jumped at bit at Two-Bit's soft voice. He had been so mesmerized by the scene in front of him he hadn't noticed him approaching. Then he realized that there were tears freely falling down his own cheeks again. He wondered vaguely when that had started. "C'mere." Pony was surprised by the gentleness in Two-Bit's voice._

_He allowed Two-Bit to pull him to his feet and they walked over to where Steve and Darry stood. Darry looked over and reached out a hand to pull Pony in closer. Pony tucked himself in safely under Darry's free arm as he wrapped one of his arms around Darry's back while carefully wrapping the other around Steve. Steve didn't even appear to notice, too consumed by his own grief. As Two-Bit moved around to Darry's other side, Pony noticed tears falling down his cheeks as well. It didn't matter that they were all supposed to be tuff hoods. Darry was right; none of them were dealing with this well. But as Two-Bit joined the circle and Pony closed his eyes he could almost feel Soda watching them. _

_Soda always had a way of bringing everyone together. _

Pony sat at his desk, staring down at the letter he had written to his brother just hours before. The letter he had written before he had known that his whole world was about to be undone. Again.

Pony took a deep breath. He needed to talk to Soda now more than ever. He reached a slightly shaking hand toward his pencil. Carefully he flipped over the piece of paper, placing the portion he had written while he still thought his brother was alive firmly against his desk. He placed his pencil against the clean sheet and began to write.

"Dear Soda,

We just got the news. It's so hard to believe that this is really happening. I have been missing you so much for the past eight months but it was so comforting knowing that you would be coming home in another four months. At least that's what we thought."

Pony paused. He had lost count of the amount of times he had cried today and he could feel the tears welling up once more. He was determined to get this out though.

"I miss you so much more now that I know. It's a much different kind of ache. It's like there is this huge hole in my chest where something is missing. I feel empty thinking about never seeing you again. You always meant so much to me Soda. I loved you so much. I love you so much. I will always love you. I know you never talked about it in any of your letters, but you must have been scared over there. I know you'd never want to hurt anyone. So I'm glad that you are not scared anymore. And I know that now you are with Mom and Dad. They can keep you safe now in a way that we could not.

I want you to know that I'm going to try very hard for you. This is so hard on all of us. Steve didn't take it well at all. But Darry kept us all together. Just like you used to. And Darry is going to take care of us. Just like he always does. I don't know how, but we will find a way through this. I know you are looking down on us and I want to make you proud. Darry and I won't fight. And I'm going to work real hard in school and go to college. I know you wanted that for me almost as much as Darry did. Maybe Darry will be able to go back to school too. I just hope that he doesn't always have to work so hard. I know you hope that too.

Please watch over us Soda. You have always been my guardian angel. I need you now more than ever. And say hi to Mom and Dad for me. Tell them I still miss them too.

I love you. God, I miss you. And I forgive you. I know you never wanted to leave.

- Ponyboy Curtis"

Pony stared down at the paper for several minutes. Several tears had fallen onto it, smearing the words in several places. He knew that it didn't matter much though.

There was a soft knock as his door, but Pony didn't acknowledge it, still transfixed by his letter. After a minute he heard the door creek open.

"Pony?" came Darry's careful voice. "You okay in here?"

Without looking at him Pony slowly shook his head. Things were definitely far from okay. He knew it was be a very long time before he felt okay again. "I… I wrote him a letter," Pony said quietly.

Darry walked up behind him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure he'd like that a lot, kiddo," he said softly.

"Not like I can mail it to him though," Pony said flatly.

Darry gave Pony a light squeeze and then crouched down next to him. "Pony? Pony look at me." With an effort Pony turned his gaze away from paper in front of him and looked at his big brother. Darry's eyes were steady and Pony desperately wished for some of his composure as he was aware of tears creeping down his cheeks once again. "We're gonna be okay, alright kiddo? We'll all get through this together."

Pony nodded vaguely. He had to believe that or else he knew that he wouldn't survive.

"How's Steve doing?" he asked quietly.

"He seems to be calming down," Darry said. "Two-Bit's with him."

Pony nodded again. He sighed and then turned back to his letter. He carefully folded it up and placed it in the envelope next to it, sealing it tight. He picked up his pencil and wrote 'Sodapop Patrick Curtis' while trying not to actually read the words.

"Do you… do you think…" Pony knew what he wanted to do, but he just found it hard to actually put it in words. "Maybe we could… bury it… with him…" He was just barely holding it together, trying not to think too hard about what his own words actually meant.

"Sure, kiddo," Darry said, rubbing Pony's back comfortingly even as his own voice shook slightly. "We can do that." He paused. "Steve and Two-Bit are gonna stay out in the living room. You thinkin' about going to bed soon?"

Pony look at his bed, feeling a sinking feeling in his stomach. He had sucked it up for the past eight months and had slept in that bed alone, curling up on his side of the bed as far away from Soda's side as possible. That way it was easier to close his eyes and pretend that Soda was actually there with him, just out of reach. Somehow he knew that wouldn't help him tonight though. He contemplated sleeping on the couch before he remembered that was taken tonight.

"Maybe not yet," Pony said reluctantly.

Darry looked at him carefully, his eyes straying to the empty bed for a moment before returning back to Pony. "You can bunk with me tonight if you want," he said easily.

Pony was quiet for a moment. He was sixteen years old. Did he really want to be the teenager who couldn't sleep alone in his own room?

Finally he slowly nodded. "Yeah, if that's okay," he said quietly, looking down at the floor in embarrassment.

"Course it is," Darry said. "I'm gonna crash. Come to bed whenever you're ready, okay?"

"Thanks Darry," Pony said with a nod and a very small smile.

Darry walked out of the room and Pony took a deep breath. He wondered if he would get any sleep tonight. He couldn't help but think back to the night after his parents' funeral, it was the first night he had one of his terrifying nightmares that he could never remember. Just thinking about it caused him to shudder.

Pony quickly changed for bed, suddenly not wanting to be alone. As he walked down the hallway to Darry's room he could hear low voices coming from the living room. Steve and Two-Bit. He wondered if either of them would sleep tonight.

Even though he had been invited, Pony still felt a little nervous about going into Darry's room. He hardly ever had a reason to go in there. He slowly opened the door and stepped in, closing the door behind him. The room was just a little bigger than his own room that he had shared with the middle Curtis brother. Before their parents had died Soda and Darry had shared a room while Pony had his own room. After Soda had more permanently moved into Pony's room they had sold the two twin beds that had been the other room and Darry had moved their parents' bed into what was now only his room. Darry was practical, sleeping in the bed that belonged to their deceased parents hadn't bothered him like it would have bothered Pony.

"Hey Pony," Darry said. He was laying in bed, looking over at him.

"Hey Darry," Pony said as he approached. Carefully he climbed onto the far side of the bed, tucking himself in under the covers. He was grateful not to be alone tonight. He was grateful that Darry was still here with him. He took a deep breath, trying to calm him, but it was shaky.

"You okay, Pony?" Darry asked again, rolling over to face him.

"I'm such a bawl baby," Pony muttered as felt tears welling up yet again. He had probably cried a dozen times since they had received that damned letter a few hours ago.

Darry carefully reached out and wrapped his arms around Pony. "Yeah… so was Soda…" he said quietly. "But that's okay."

Pony remembered Darry telling him that Soda had cried every night for the entire week he had been missing. Pony sniffed and he pushed himself closer to Darry. If only he could cry for a week and have this be over. If only he had some kind of hope that this would only be a temporary pain. If only he didn't know that his brother was gone forever.

Pony broke down into sobs as Darry held him close.

_It'll be a long time before I'm okay again… but I do think that someday this won't hurt as much. Someday I'll think back on you, brother, and be able to smile even though I will still miss you. Someday I'll be able to think about you without crying and hurting. But that day is not today. So I hope as you look down at me you are not disappointed. I will get to a better place someday. But for now I just need to let this hurt. _

_Sodapop Patrick Curtis… The world is just a little bit colder without you in it. _

_I love you. God, I miss you. And someday I will see you again along with Mom and Dad. Someday we will all be a family again. _

**The End**

**Credit: The line "I love you. God, I miss you. And I forgive you." is from the movie **_**Remember Me **_**(2010).**


	4. Alternate Ending

Author's Note: Okay so as I said before, technically speaking my story ended with the last chapter. But because of a request from one of my reviewers as well as my own inspiration I decided to write this alternate ending that is much less depressing. This is mostly for fun. You may think of it as an epilogue if you would like. Hope you enjoy it! Please review!

XxXxX

_**Alternate Ending**_

_What if…_

It had been a miserable week in more ways than one. It had taken an entire day for what was left of the Greasers to leave the Curtis house, each one of them skipping work and school. As they did finally leave the house each one seemed to be in a haze. Everyone was going through the motions but none of them were really living.

Darry knew he had to be strong for the rest of the gang, but truth be told he wasn't holding together real well himself. One day at work he had been so distracted he had tripped over a bundle of roofing and came within inches of falling off the roof. Thankfully while Pony and Steve were hit the hardest, Two-Bit managed to step up a bit and help Darry keep them in line.

The weather made the week even more miserable. It rained off an on all week, cutting back the amount of time Darry could work, since roofing in the rain was a near impossible task.

It was a week and one day after they had received the news from the army that their brother had been killed in action. As another rainstorm hit Tulsa Darry was sent home from work early. He entered the house soaking wet, letting the door slam behind him just to have some noise of some sort. The house had been far too quiet over the passed week.

The house was empty as he headed for his room to change into some dry clothes. Pony wasn't due home from school for another hour or so. Two-Bit and Steve wouldn't be far behind him. Those two had basically lived in this house for the passed week, but Darry was actually grateful for that. Having everyone that was left together under one roof made it seem just a little less empty.

Darry was heading to the kitchen to see if they had anything for dinner – he had been a little preoccupied and hadn't thought to go grocery shopping recently – when he heard a car door slam outside. He looked at the clock. That was strange. No one was due back for a while yet. He figured it was just one of the neighbors, but felt compelled to go look outside anyway.

He pulled down the blinds and looked out the front window. Parked in front of the house was a yellow taxi. That was odd. The taxi was directly in front of their house, but there was no reason for anyone in a taxi to be coming to see them. Perhaps they were going to the house across the street. Darry watched, transfixed, as someone dug around in the trunk for a minute, pulling out a pack and slinging it over his shoulder before slamming the trunk shut. As Darry stared he saw that the man was dressed in an army uniform. His stomach turned.

He was reminded that he hadn't heard anything else since the news about his brother had been delivered and he thought that was a bit odd. He knew if he didn't hear anything soon he would have to call them up and ask about his little brother's remains, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to do that yet. At the same time, though, he was anxious to lay his brother to rest beside their parents. Only then would they be able to finally start healing. Maybe he would make that call this afternoon before Pony came home.

Darry was about to turn away from the window, convinced that whoever it was had to be going to a different house, when the man paid the taxi driver and then started up the front walk toward their house. Darry froze, squinting through the rain. What was this about? He moved away from the window and went to the door instead, opening it up and walking out onto the front porch. Surely this man had the wrong house. Maybe if he told him quickly he might be able to get his cab back.

"Can I help you?" Darry called from the porch, hoping to get the man's attention in order to send him away quickly. He really wasn't up for dealing with a lost solider right now.

As the man stopped and looked up at him, Darry stumbled as if he had been sucker punched in the gut and grabbed onto the porch railing for support to keep from falling down. The short hair under the army hat had thrown him off, but he would recognize that face, those eyes, anywhere.

"Good to see you too, Darry," Soda said with a lopsided smile.

Darry couldn't form any coherent thoughts in his head, but somehow he made the decision to run off the porch and into the rain and in an instant he had thrown his arms around Sodapop Curtis and was squeezing him tightly into his chest, something he never thought he'd be able to do again.

"Careful, Darry," Soda murmured, even as he wound his own arms around his big brother to hug him back. "Not so tight, I'm still a little sore."

Darry immediately loosened his grip and held Soda out at arm's length, taking in every detail. He was oblivious to the fact that they were both quickly becoming soaked to the bone. "But… but how…?" he stammered, shock in his voice.

"Can we go inside first?" Soda asked with a light laugh. "It's a little damp out here."

Darry only nodded. His heart was pounding and his thoughts were racing. He kept one hand on Soda as they made their way back toward the house, feeling like if he let go even for a second his brother may disappear, reveling this to be some kind of cruel trick. As they ascended the stairs of the porch Darry noticed how Soda grabbed the porch rail and winced slightly.

"Are you okay?" Darry asked as he led the way into the house, looking at Soda with concern. Something had to have happened. Nothing about this situation made any sense at all.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Soda assured him. "I got shot, but doc stitched me up real good. It's just still a little sore sometimes."

"Where?" Darry asked as he led his brother to the couch. They both sat, neither making any mention about their rain soaked clothing getting the couch wet.

Soda pointed to his side. "It's healing fine though."

"Soda… what the hell happened?" Darry finally asked, still unable to take his eyes off his brother that just minutes ago he was convinced – no, not just convinced, knew for a _fact_ – was dead and was planning his burial. "They… they told us… they told us you were killed in action."

Soda sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know," he said, the smile falling off his face. "I didn't know what to do when I found out about the mix up. I didn't know if you'd believe me if I tried to call you up on the phone. So I decided I'd just… show up."

"They sent us your dog tags," Darry insisted. All his senses were telling him that his brother was sitting right here beside him, but how could it be true?

"It's all a little fuzzy," Soda said slowly. He took off his hat and Darry noticed for the first time the scar just over his temple. "I remember I was trying to help someone who had been shot. Our medic had been killed already. There was a lot of chaos. I was pulling my canteen off over my head and I guess that's when me dog tags fell off. I got shot… honestly I don't really remember that part. I just remembered suddenly laying on the ground and people running around everywhere. I guess my head got stepped on…" his voice trailed off and Darry reached out and put an arm over his shoulders comfortingly. "I woke up in the hospital two weeks later. They said I had a real bad concussion and was healing from surgery to remove the bullet from my side. They said I was a John Doe, but I insisted I was a Sodapop Curtis." He laughed lightly. To Darry it was the most wonderful sound in the world.

He threw his other arm over Soda and pulled him in closer, careful not to squeeze him too tight this time. "Glory, you have no idea how good it is to have you back," he said, his voice shaking with emotion. It was unreal. It was literally like having his brother come back from the dead.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble, Darry," Soda said quietly, hugging his brother back. "If it makes you feel any better, I raised hell in the hospital when I found out what they did."

"None of that matters now," Darry assured him.

They stayed like that for several minutes, never one talking, just reveling in each other's company. Finally Soda pulled away and both were discreetly wiping tears from their eyes.

"How… how is everyone else doing?" Soda said after a hesitation, looking at Darry unsurely.

Darry sighed. "It's been a very hard week," he said. "Pony didn't take the news well… neither did Steve. But even me and Two-Bit… we were all so devastated, Soda." He paused, frowning as he remembered. Then he smiled. "Boy, I can't wait to see the looks on their faces!"

Finally Darry was forced to acknowledge their soaked conditions before they both caught pneumonia. They both went and changed into dry clothes, and Soda looked so much more normal in his old jeans and t-shirt, save for the short hair and the scar on the side of his head.

They were sitting back in the living room when Darry glanced out the window and saw Pony making his way down the street. The rain had stopped and Pony was walking slowly, staring straight down at his shoes, his shoulders hunched and his hands jammed in his pockets. Darry smiled at the thought of Pony's face. They had all been so miserable for the passed week. Finally they had some good news to share. Finally there was a reason to smile.

"Wait here," Darry told Soda, not wanting to startle his youngest brother too much. He walked out to the porch, shutting the door behind him and watched as Pony made his way up the walk. He was already walking up the stairs before he noticed Darry standing there.

"Hey Darry," Pony said flatly.

"How're you holding up, kiddo?" Darry asked, working to keep the pure happiness out of his voice. Pony just shrugged, his eyes hollow as he looked up at Darry. "Well, I got a surprise for you. C'mere." Pony gave him a strange look but walked up the rest of the stairs to stand on the porch next to Darry. "Pony… the army made a mistake."

Pony just stared, not comprehending. "What are you talkin' about?" he asked slowly.

"Someone's waiting inside for you," he said with a smile.

Pony just kept staring. Darry could almost see the thought process going on behind the kid's green eyes. He knew what he wanted to think that Darry meant, but at the same time he didn't want to be disappointed if he was wrong. Darry silently opened the door and led Pony inside. As he entered the house he looked around and then stopped dead, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. Soda slowly stood from where he was sitting on the couch, grinning.

"Hey, Ponyboy," he said lightly. "Long time no see."

"S-Soda?" Pony stammered, still frozen in place. "But… b-but how?"

"They made a mistake, Pony," Darry assured him softly, knowing that Pony couldn't believe his eyes in that moment.

Finally Pony unfroze. He ran at his brother, vaulting himself over the small coffee table and throwing himself at Soda, who had opened his arms to welcome him in. Darry winced to himself, thinking that he probably should have warned Pony about Soda's injury beforehand. Being tackled by a sixteen year old couldn't be very good for a bullet wound. But Soda didn't even seem to notice as he squeezed his little brother tight.

"I-I thought you were gone," Pony sobbed, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "They-they told us t-that you were g-gone."

Soda lightly stroked the back of Pony head comfortingly, and rested his cheek in his hair. "Oh, Pony. You really think I'd ever leave you for good?" he said soothingly.

Darry grinned at the sight of his two brothers together again. Pony pulled back just slightly so he could look up at Soda's face, taking in every detail just as Darry had. Then he reached up and touched Soda's cheek, as if to make sure he was really there. He smiled through his tears and Soda smiled back at him, tears glistening in his own eyes as well.

"You're back!" Pony finally exclaimed as if it just finally hit him.

"I'm back," Soda confirmed, hugging Pony to him once more. He looked up over Pony and reached one hand out toward Darry. Darry walked forward and wound his arms around both of his little brothers. "I'm finally home. For good this time."

XxXxX

"Here come Two-Bit and Steve," Darry announced, glancing out the window as he heard the car doors slam. Another hour had passed. The three brothers hadn't left each other's site, Darry and Pony still awestruck at this turn of events and Soda just happy to finally be back home after being away for so long.

Darry decided not to give the two any warning about Soda's sudden return from the dead. It had been such a dismal week; it was time to have a little fun. He settled himself in his recliner and picked up the paper like it was any old day, but couldn't help but smile. Soda and Pony were sitting on the couch, both grinning ear to ear.

The door squeaked open and Two-Bit quietly entered with Steve trudging in behind him, both of them as somber as they had been all week.

"Well, it's about time you bums showed up," Soda said loudly.

Two-Bit came to a halt so quickly that Steve ran right into him. "Two-Bit, what the hell?" Steve demanded. He had obviously been too distracted to realize what was going on yet. Two-Bit was staring at Soda, a look of complete and total shock on his face. Steve made to stomp around him before he finally caught sight of Soda sitting on the couch. He paled as if he had seen a ghost. He looked around from Pony to Darry, looking for some sort of explanation, or perhaps just confirmation that he wasn't going crazy.

"Seems the army had a little mix up," Darry spoke up with a smile, putting his paper back down.

Two-Bit let out a string of curse words as he started forward, a grin spreading across his face. Soda stood and they embraced each other. "You son of a bitch!" Two-Bit exclaimed happily. "Can't even get killed off properly, can you?"

"That would have been way too dull, man," Soda laughed.

"Careful, he does have a bullet hole in his side," Darry spoke up.

They pulled away from each other and Soda looked over at Steve, who still had not moved an inch. "Quick, someone get ready to catch Steve, I think he's about to pass out!" Soda laughed.

Steve finally seemed to snap out of his stupor. He began calling Soda every insulting name under the sun, but as he walked forward his eyes held the first sign of real life anyone had seen in them since Soda had shipped out. "You no good, dirty Greaser, if you weren't all shot up I'd slug you!" Steve declared even as he threw his arms around Soda.

"Aw, Steve, you've gone soft on me!" Soda teased as he hugged his best friend back. "You ain't bawling, are you?"

"No, I ain't bawling, you psycho," Steve said, though his voice held a very slight tremor of emotion. "Bet you think you're real funny, fakin' your own death like that."

"Oh yeah, I'm hilarious," Soda agreed sarcastically with a grin. "Let me tell you, the laughs we had in the army hospital while I lay unconscious…"

As they finally pulled apart Two-Bit clapped Soda on the shoulder. "Glory, it's good to see you still walkin' and talkin', buddy!" he stated, still seemingly shocked. Darry understood that it was difficult to go a week knowing that someone was gone forever and then suddenly they turn up on your doorstep. He was still trying to wrap his head around it himself.

"Well, we have no food in this house," Darry finally said. "How about we go out for dinner?"

Soda's face lit up at the mention of food. "Yeah!" he exclaimed excitedly. "I want a gigantic cheeseburger! And fries! And a milkshake, oh, and a chocolate cake. Not a slice of chocolate cake, an entire chocolate cake! And lasagna. And baked chicken!"

Darry laughed as he went and grabbed his keys. "Anything you want, little buddy." He meant that too. He would drive all over town to get anything that Soda wanted. Tonight was a celebration. Their family was whole once again. Or at least as whole as they could be.

Defying all the odds, Sodapop had come home.


End file.
